I made it to the venue at 5:34pm and already I noticed that the line was very long. It snaked around the block. People that came around 6:30pm were already extremely confused as to where the line ended. Gramercy Theater is on 23rd St, but I was on 25th St/Lexington. Doors were to open at 7pm but at 6:50 I was still outside. It was chilly with no breeze luckily. When the line began to move, it moved fast. I got in and stood with the crowd. I was 10 rows away from the stage. I thought to myself, Great I get to see my band up close. Little did I know that it was the wrong decision to make. It was 7:30 and I was still standing. 8pm I'm still there getting restless. It started at probably 8:30. The lights dimmed and the crowd screamed. For me it was hell about to begin.
I knew the pit was known to be dangerous territory and I already knew beforehand that the Dir en grey fandom is crazy. What I didn't anticipate that things would get crazy and dangerous so quickly. People behind me were pushing me. From the 10th row I was forcefully pushed to the 5th row. They wanted to push even further, but I stood my ground. The crowd swayed violently and I lost balance a couple of times. I could feel the crowd grinding on me as they jumped and headbanged. Rather than enjoying each song, I was always thinking, Oh no, not this song. Feet was being stepped on, being groped, being pushed, being hit, and being headbanged. I experienced all of the above. The guy next to me gripped my arm (without my permission of course) extremely tight trapping it underneath. I wanted to snap off his arm.
The moshing awakened such a fury inside me that I was ready to become an animal. My violent intentions became more apparent. With 400 people behind you, there's no way you can be Superman and hold them back. When they pushed, I pushed back. When they hit I hit back. Some guy behind me headbanged onto my head, but since I had such a hard head, I butted him back. When the crowd pushed, I immediately felt my body temperature rise and suffocated. I was getting dizzy and feeling hard to breathe. The question whether or not I should stay in the pit became clear. I squeezed my arm out of that guy. It was numb and I couldn't feel my fingers. It was shaking terribly. I grabbed my bag tightly and wedged away. People flocked to my spot like flies around dead meat. I was cursing in my head and I was extremely sweaty. I thanked the Buddhas for watching over me. As I left the pit, I was ready to punch anyone who came near me. Become one with the crowd? Fuck that bullshit. I'm sorry Dir en grey, I only got a closer look of you all for half an hour, but at least I got a glimpse of you.
Outside the pit towards the back of the room was this ritual going on. People were jumping and running in circles. A girl spun out of control and crashed into me. Well almost. I had my hand out to prevent her from hitting me. Fans outside and by the side were less crazy. It was safer and they were being respectful. People fought for bottles, picks, and towels. I was content with my new spot. It may have been far, but I still got a clear view of everyone on stage. The fans may have ruined my night, but the band didn't disappoint. The sound was good that night and everyone performed well. Kyo during one of the songs lost his tempo and sped up his singing at one point. During "Tousei", his performance was so full of anguish that it felt so real. The lighting through his veil made everything so spooky, Even though I wasn't able to enjoy Obscure, Hageshisa to, and Sustain the Untruth in the pit, they played my favorite Arche songs, Soshaku, Uroko, and Revelation of Mankind. I got away from the pit at Saku and the song was stuck in my head the entire night.I was never a fan of the Inward Screams, but now I understand how important they were. They were able to calm me down. I became less angry and more relaxed. Thank you Kyo.
My concert experience was mostly focused on Die because of where I stood. I thought he was very beautiful that night. My best moments were being able to lock eyes with Kyo and Die. Die's encounter was very brief and I tried my best to smile back when I was in the pit. When I was away from the pit towards the end of the show, I looked into Kyo's eyes. It was the longest stare I ever had. I smiled and clapped for him. I'm guessing Kyo and Die were simply looking into my direction rather than into my eyes, but it still felt great having a connection for that moment. At the end of the show, I waved my hands and Die waved back. My arm hurt and my body was very sore. I'm so glad I work out and never skipped leg day. Who knows what would have happened if I skipped leg day.
I left the room to go downstairs to get merchandise. All they had left were shirts, beanie, and hoodie. I was really hoping they sold posters. The shirt I wanted was only sold as a Woman's Tee. So I tried to guess the size I could fit in. A Medium didn't even look like a Medium. I had to get Extra Large for my broad shoulders and I'm not even that tall. $30 for a tee and I think hoodie was $40. I think T-shirt was more worth it because hoodie didn't look that great to me.
When I was almost home, the church bell tolled. It was 11pm. I felt rain drops on my face. I was hoping it would rain over me to calm myself. The streets were quiet and cool. I recollected my memories. I was still angry at the fans, but I was happy overall to be able to listen to Dir en grey live. If they choose to come back to New York again, I would still see them. Maybe next time, I'll choose a better spot. The pit experience was not pleasant, but I could feel an invigorating force within me. A new found courage had grown inside.
Follow up entry here.
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